The breakdown of a relationship is often a tumultuous period. It calls for decisions to be made about issues to which  you may not have previously given any thought . Who will remain in the family home, for example? Should the property be sold, and the proceeds shared? How will finances be split?

In addition to dealing with potential disagreements about how any shared assets will be divided and who’ll pay for what, coming to a mutual agreement on child arrangements can feel like a daunting task –  a source of stress, anxiety and perhaps even disagreements between yourself and your former partner.

Whilst coming to an agreement on issues surrounding money and property are important, there’s little doubt that some of the most pressing concerns you’ll want to resolve will relate to your children. Separation can be hugely stressful for both younger and older children, so coming to an agreement on child arrangements sooner rather than later is helpful for everyone. Keeping children informed and giving them a voice are vital aspects of achieving a sensible a sensible and successful solution for the family as a whole.

Do you need to go to court?

You may fear a lengthy, protracted court battle to determine child arrangements but  rest reassured that a separation doesn’t automatically put you on that path.  Indeed there will be no Court intervention unless there is a dispute about the children’s arrangements that cannot be resolved through other means of “Non- Court Dispute Resolution”.

If you can come to an agreement between the two of you as to where the children should live, how financial support will be managed and how much time each parent will spend with the children, you won’t usually have to go to court. It’s a good idea to have a documented Parenting Plan which details your agreements, so there is no confusion or misunderstanding on either side.

Is help available?

The end of a relationship is difficult for all concerned and heightened feelings can make it that much harder to reach an agreement on something as emotionally charged as spending time with your children. There are resources available to help.

Mediation can be invaluable if you and your co-parent can’t agree on where the children will live and how their time will be split between the two of you. A mediator will help you work through your differences with the aim of reaching a mutual agreement on all key matters relating to your children’s day-to-day lives. This could include agreeing where they spend the school holidays and important dates like Christmas, where they will live primarily and how contact will be managed. If you can’t agree on child-related costs, a mediator can also help you to work through those issues and find common ground on child maintenance payments.

What if we can’t agree on child arrangements?

Only in the event that all other means of settlement have been tried and been unsuccessful, will it be necessary to make an application for  Child Arrangements Order.

Even at this stage, all potential applicants are required to undergo a “Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting” (MIAM) with an accredited family mediator, before an application can be submitted.  The ensuing child arrangements order will be made in line what the best interests of the child (or children) and will set out where the child lives, when they will spend time with the other parent and what other contact rights each parent will have.

If you do have to apply for a court order to determine child arrangements, we’re here to help and can provide practical support and legal advice throughout the process. Contact us to discuss your situation in confidence.